Religious Harry Potter?
by ElfOwl
Summary: What if Harry Potter was brought up religious? Crack Fic!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter. I am not bashing Christianity. Enjoy!**

The Dursleys' were a nice Christian family thank you very much. There son and nephew went to Sunday school every sunday morning and services in the afternoon. Both despised non church goers and everything that the bible says is bad. So what a surprise it would be when just before the family where going to church a letter flew in! Addressed to Harry, who then opened it.

"Hogwarts school of WHAT?!" yelled a surprised Harry who dropped the letter like it was the devil himself.

Petunia was worried this would happen so she picked up without a word and burned it.

"Thank you Aunt Petunia I would never go to a school so un-god like." Expressed a relived Harry.

So off to church they went and had a nice service where, ironically was about witchcraft.

Once they got back a strange man with a hook nose, greasy hair, and something that resembled a dress, was waiting for them! Once they got out of the car Vernon went up to him.

"Hello dear brother, how are you this fine godly morning?"

"Don't talk to me, Dursley. I am here for the brat." Answered the greasy haired man.

Petunia was standing there with pursed lips but Jesus always said to be nice.

"Hello there, Severus. How are you? May I ask that you do not be rude to my husband and do not refer to my nephew as a brat?" asked Petunia.

"Shut up! I am here to take the brat for his school supplies and then to drop him off at the Leaky Cauldron and then bring him to the station tomorrow."

"I will not go!" yelled a horrified Harry.

"You will you ungrateful brat, think you are above us do you? You swine!"

"No, I will not go because witchcraft is evil and from the devil!"

Snape was stunned into silence. He decided that was strange. So apparated away.

**A/N: I am not bashing on any religion, I thought it would be funny. If you think it is too. I might continue. Tell me what you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I got some words of encourgment so I decided to give you another chapter! and I would like to respond to one reviewer who said I was and I quote "your a lunatic!" My a lunatic what? I do not own a lunatic. Please, if you try to insult me, at least use the proper words. Also to all my fans. These will be short chapters but will be updated in a week or under and if it is not, feel free to message me and tell me to get my butt to my computer and type! Anyways on to the story!**

Snape apparated right outside the Hogwarts gate. He walked into Hogwarts and up to the Headmasters office. "Warheads!" yelled the angry professor. He was angry at Potter who seemed to be a _Christian _he thought with a sneer, and therefor he did not want to go to Hogwarts school of _Witchcraft and Wizardry._ Non the less, Albus is his guardian in the magical world so he will simply force the brat to go.

"Hello Severus how are you? Want a warhead? Deliciously sour." The old man said as he popped one in his mouth and his face contorted.

"No Albus I don't want one of your _muggle_ candy. Muggles is what brought me here. It seems that Brat-Who-Lived is a Christian and refuses to come here because Magic is of the Devil he claims."

"Christian? Aren't those the people who hunted us?" asked the headmaster confused.

"Yes Albus they are, so what are you going to do about it?"

"Well I shall go over there and convince him, and if he can't be convinced then I shall drag him as his guardian."

* * *

Once again Albus found himself in front of number 4 Privet Drive. He knocked on the door and little Harry Potter answered.

"Are you another one of those Devil worshippers?"

"No I am not, but I am a wizard, may I come in?" said a confused Dumbledore

"No."

And with that, Harry shut the door promptly. But Albus would have none of this, he marched right in and grabbed Harry and without so much as a goodbye popped out to Diagon Alley.

"Welcome Harry, to Diagon Alley!"

But alas, Harry was having none of this. He was repeating the Lord's Prayer over and over again.

"Our Father in heaven,hallowed be your kingdom come,your will be done,on earth as it is in us this day our daily bread,and forgive us our debts,as we also have forgiven our lead us not into temptation,but deliver us from evil."

"What in Merlin's name is that!" shouted a confused Albus.

"It is my Father's prayer!" shouted back Harry.

"Well come along we have lots to buy."

At this point in time, Harry remembered something his Sunday school teacher said _Always try to bring people to the way of Our Heavenly Father. _And with that, Harry decided that while he will do none of this Devil worship, he will however make it his mission to bring all these Devil worshippers to Jesus.

**A/N: How was it? good? bad? review!**


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